it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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