I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex on a dog bed..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
