I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
