i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
