she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pants are for mortals
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
