Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
