We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
