I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
