and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
