3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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