Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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