you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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