When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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