Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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