This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
how drunk are you?
Several
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
