If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
