oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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