haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
