EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
