He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
