I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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