I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
