I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
