I wish I only lived at night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
