Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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