you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
