remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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