Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
