Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
