Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
