Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
