so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
