I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize