Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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