I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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