Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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