I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize