I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
