If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
