I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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