i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this will be a night to untag.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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