worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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