so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
