I must be too annoying 4 u.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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