Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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