I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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