i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
