Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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