I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
