go do what you do best...puke behind churches
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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