my phone needs a breathalizer
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish i was in the wii world.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
