My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
