That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
