So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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