I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
