dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
