So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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