Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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