I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
