There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
