His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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