She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
