i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
