Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
