my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
