I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
They have beer where we have blood.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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