Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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