I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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