i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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