When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
