I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
