Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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