My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
