Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
