just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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