oh god the rape fog is back!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
