Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
