and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
