it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
