i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize