You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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