to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
