there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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