and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont even know how to be here
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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