I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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