i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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