I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
