An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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