I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize