At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
