As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
