he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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