im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
