Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize