apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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