I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
