MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
