Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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