Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize